My Life's A Playlist
by Tallya
Summary: Basically, it's a series of chapters following the lives of six teens. Each chapter is titled after a song, indicating that song's lyrics were used as a guideline to make that chapter. Sorry if it sucks, I just love music and writing. Suggestions welcome.
1. Misery Business

It was a normal day. Any day. I was lying on my bed listening to my music on full volume to drown out the parents, thinking of what it would be like. What would it be like if he was my boyfriend? What would happen if we went out on dates? If we did something on those dates? Kiss? Make out? Would it be weird?

Most importantly, I was wondering if he liked me the way I liked him. As far as he knows, I like him as a brother, or dog, or best friend. The way I'm supposed to like him. Not the way I feel about him now.

The I-would-do-anything-for-you-if-you-would-just-notice-me kind of feeling. And not to sound cliché or anything, but I am totally head-over-heels for my best friend Ryan. It's totally pathetic.

But I never tell him. Maybe a few hints here and there, but never directly, or indirectly. The just-way-off-course-but-still-visible kind of direct. It works for him and me. Mostly him. Not so much me. And I'm nice too. When he has a girlfriend, I am the classic martyr. Better than those of history. They weren't crushing on their best friend from pre-school. They didn't put up with his blubbering BS when he was dumped or his flirty BS when he got over the dumping.

I was always there for him. When he got dumped by one whore and went after another one. It killed me everytime, but I stood by him. Whatever makes him happy, right? Right. No matter what, the only thing I wanted for him was for him to be happy. And if that didn't involve me, then so be it.

Currently, he was dating the head cheerleader. Or co-head. He dumped the other head last month. There was scandal all over school about that one. Name's Hailey, or Hilary, can't remember. Either way, something only a cheerleader can have. Stereotypical, I know. But they really are movie-style cheerleaders. Blonde hair, huge (and I mean huge) chests, and fake-tan skin. It makes me sick. I still don't get how he likes people of that breed. He is totally different.

Ryan and I, among our other friends, are what would be called … emo, or scene, kids. Unnaturally black and messy-styled hair, sometimes with neon highlights, multiple pierced locations on our bodies (although some are not visible), tight fitting clothes of all colours and shapes. And he goes for the plastic Barbie-doll type?! It's unheard of. At least in my world.

Anyhow, so he goes back to the cheer squad and picks out a new toy. And this one is fully dressed (most of the time) and comes with her own car. A Ferrari. Me? I have a car too. I have a Toyota. Ouch. So he starts dating her. Brings her along to the emo outings. She complains, they leave. No one knows to where, no one wants to know. I have my suspicions though. Everyone knows that Hailey is better on her back than on her feet.

**I'm in the business of misery,  
Let's take it from the top.  
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock.  
It's a matter of time before we all run out,  
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.**

Eight months. That's how long they were together. And if I can count correctly, today is their eighth monthaversary, and I always count correctly. I'm good at math, I tutor Ryan. But apparently smarts in school don't interest him. Smarts in _the_ room do. And honestly, I don't have much of those. It's not that I'm totally clueless there, but, I do better on the court then on a bed.

I was interrupted by the annoyingly shrill sound of my cell phone. I paused the music, checked the caller ID, and answered.

"Kaylee! Can you meet me at the park? Like, now?" I heard Ryan's voice say through the phone.

"Uhh, sure? What's the emergency?" I asked. _What now?_

"I-I just need to see someone. I need to talk to someone. Please." He sounded like he was near tears now. How could I leave Ryan to cry on a shoulder that wasn't mine?

"I'll be there soon, Ry. Just don't do anything stupid," I advised, "until I'm there to supervise it. Got it?"

"'Kay, thanks so much Kaylee."

_What could it possibly be? I haven't talked to him in … _two weeks. I haven't seen Ryan, talked to Ryan, heard from or of Ryan for two weeks now. That is not normal. We are usually in contact for the better part of the twenty four-hour day.

That could be because of the winter holidays. But we usually do stuff together on those days too, if he doesn't have a girlfriend who controls his life.

I got out of bed, got dressed in my normal attire. Skinny jeans, Converse, band tee, some more eyeliner and mascara and nothing else, a couple bracelets and a necklace, and I'm ready. In this case, said band shirt is one of my favourites, Paramore. In all, it took me five minutes. Nothing gets between me and Ryan.

I saw him on the hill watching the sunset. We always sat there when there was something wrong. I hope his parents didn't get into another fight. They were the most awesome parents ever but they had issues. And they only stayed together for him. They loved Ryan with all their hearts, but couldn't find the same love for each other. Shame, really.

"Hey, Ry. What's up?" I said as I sat next to him on the green grass.

"Kaylee, why haven't we talked in … how long was it?" He wasn't looking at me.

"Umm, a couple weeks, I guess? Why?" All I could see of him was the side of his face. Half a face. _Why won't he look at you, Kay?_

"The entire vacation, Kaylee. I haven't talked to you since the last day of school." His voice was breaking. And not the kind of breaking that happens during puberty. "And even then, it was only for, like, five seconds. I haven't heard from you since then. Why?"

"I-I-I'm not–" I didn't get a chance to finish.

"I'll tell you why." He looked at me then. And I swear I saw tears in his eyes. "It's because of that bitch Hailey. It's because of her I haven't been able to see you or Jack or Charlie or anyone else for the past few days. It's because of her that I haven't eaten or slept since the start of the holidays. I didn't even enjoy Christmas because of her!"

Tears were running down his cheeks. I could tell he was fighting to keep them in, and fighting to not wipe them away. _Good thing there isn't a brick wall nearby. He'd punch it and I'd had to fix his hand again._ "Ryan. Sweetie, what are you talk about? Aren't you going out with Hailey?"

He looked away again, the sun made his tears glisten. "She, she dumped me. A-At the beginning of the break."

His face crumpled, my arms folded around him, his head resting on my shoulder. I rubbed his back soothingly and whispered soothing words. They didn't help. He kept on crying. He must have been pretty uncomfortable, considering the height difference between the two of us. He was all hunched over it appeared as if it would hurt. _Don't say anything, Kaylee, leave him be._

The sun was starting to fade, only half of it left. There wasn't anyone left in the park, all the little kids taken home and anyone else looking for somewhere better than a playground and field. Ryan eventually settled down and removed his head from my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Kay, I didn't mean to get your shirt wet. Forgive me?" He sounded so desperate. What was I to say?

"There's nothing to forgive, sweetie. You deserve better than her, anyway. Let's just watch the sun go down."

He nodded while circling his arms around my waist, dragging me closer to him. It was getting chilly and I was shivering slightly, so I leaned into him for warmth. We didn't say anything, nothing was needed to be said. We were almost attached at the hip. We knew one another so well we could tell what the other was thinking. Right now I didn't know what to think, couldn't tell what he was thinking. _Better do it now. Might as well, might never get a chance as good as this._

"Hey, uhh, Ryan?" I said, my eyes never straying from the sun.

"Yeah, Kaylee?" His voice sounded distant, his mind somewhere else.

"Ryan. I – um – I love you." _I guess the direct direct approach is always best._

"I love you too, Kaylee."

"No. I mean, I love you. As in more than a brother or best friend or pet fish."

"Oh."

I started panicking. I should never have said anything. "Oh God. I'm sorry Ryan. I shouldn't have said anything. Just, just pretend I never said anything. I'm sorry. Please, just forget this. I-I'll go now. Bye." I started getting up, I didn't get too far.

I was pulled back down, but not to the ground, onto his lap. "I know what you meant, Kaylee. I love you too, hun."

The entire time he was saying that, our heads were leaning closer together, until they finally connected. Our lips lightly touched in a chaste kiss . And it was … magical. Not too sound corny or anything, but really, sparks got nothing to the fireworks I swear I felt.

We pulled apart. "Wow." Simultaneous response. We sat there, hugging one another. Or rather, him hugging, me snuggling. I fit perfectly, my head resting nicely under his chin, his head resting on mine. It was nice, sitting and doing nothing, watching the sun go down. Until it was completely gone.

"Hey, Kay, don't you have to go home?"

"Yeah right. Are you kidding? Like my parents would notice I'm not there. Always busy arguing to see me, pay attention to me."

"Wanna sleepover then? We don't have to do anything. We could just watch a movie, sleep, maybe eat. You hungry?"

"Starved. Your parents wouldn't mind if I spent the night?"

"You kidding? They love you, Kaylee. Let's go. Get on my back."

Ryan piggybacked me the entire way to his house, which wasn't far, since he lived a few houses away from the park. We got in and went to his room, after getting permission that I could stay from his mom.

As far as Mrs. MacAdam knows, my parents let me stay here. As far as my parents know they don't know, don't care, don't ask.

Ryan gave me a pair of pyjama pants, an over-sized shirt, and privacy to put them all on while he went to the bathroom to do whatever it is that guys did. When he came out, I was already snuggled under his blankets, halfway to sleep. I felt him crawl under and pull me against his chest.

I tried to ignore the fact that he was shirtless. I tried to ignore the little voice in my head cheering for me and urging me to do something. But I couldn't ignore the muscles just fighting to smile. I let them win, and smiled throughout the night.

I woke up to the sounds of zippers being opened and stuff being thrown. _Oh shit! School starts today!_ I jumped out bed and scrambled to find my school junk. It took me five seconds of standing in a strangely familiar room to figure out where I was.

A voice behind me told me to calm down. "It's okay, Kaylee, your mom dropped your stuff off a couple hours ago. Don't know how, but she knew you were here. She also dropped off some clothes."

"Thanks, Ry. I thought I was going crazy. School in how long?" I was in the process of heading towards the bathroom to change. I passed by him, kissed his cheek, the same cheek where tears had fallen. _You know you can't tell anyone about that ever. Right Kaylee? Of course._

"Uhh, five minutes. So don't take a long time in there."

"Hey! I'm a girl! Of course I will!" I came out two minutes later.

"Are you sure you're a girl?" He was smirking at me. Next thing he knew, he got a hard high five to the arm. "Kidding! I kid! Don't kill me!"

He picked me up, carrying me down the stairs to his car over his shoulder, throwing me into the backseats. I crawled to the front, into the driver's seat while he put our bags in the trunk. I drove us to school, which was normal, we shared almost everything.

It was a pretty boring day at school. Normal, uneventful, aside from the usual. At lunch, I met up with all the friends I didn't see over the vacation, made some new friends. I think I also made a new enemy, especially when Hailey came up.

"Ryan!" When she said his name like that, dragging out every possible letter, it made me want to vomit. "I missed you, baby."

"Hailey, what are you doing, you broke up with me!" By the looks of things, I could tell he wanted to bring some of his lunch back up.

"But that was a big mistake. I didn't mean any of it. Take me back." She didn't even ask. Amazing.

"I can't, Hailey. I'm seeing someone else."

She gasped, hand-over-mouth-gasped! Fake shock. Oh wait, is that real shock on her face? "What do you mean _someone else_? How could you see someone else? I'm the Hailey Gold! You can't just reject me!"

"I just did. If you don't mind, I'm trying to eat my lunch and spend time with my new girlfriend, Kaylee."

By now, there was a crowd surrounding our table. Everyone's mouths just dropped to the ground, including those of our friends, Jack, Charlie, Emma, and Nicole. Hailey couldn't even form a comeback statement. Instead of answering to him, she focused her pale blue eyes on me.

"I'll get him back. You'll see. You will wish you never took him from me."

**I waited eight long months,  
She finally set him free.  
I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me.  
Two weeks and we caught on fire,  
She's got it out for me,  
But I wear the biggest smile.**

I got up, right into her face. It wasn't very hard, considering we were about the same height. I couldn't keep the smile from my face. It was too hard.

"Listen, Hailey. There is nothing you can say or do to make me regret what I did. Considering that I didn't do anything and you did everything for me."

"Just you wait, _Kaylee_. Ryan will come crawling back to me. Begging me to forgive him." Another smirk. I hate smirks. It means they think they've won. I love to wipe those smirks off faces.

"Well, I guess you'll always be a whore, Hailey, since you are nothing more. And you will come crawling back to me asking for my forgiveness. And I will just laugh at your face and walk away with my boyfriend.

"You know, you're just like a lot of other girls. Doing everything on your backs to get what you want, and then pretending you know nothing about it to get more. And you know what I think? I think that's the easy way out."

**Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.  
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.  
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.  
I'm sorry honey, but I passed it up, now look this way.  
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.  
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,  
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.  
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!**

I didn't even see it coming. I felt a slap on my face. I could have sworn there was a huge palm print on my cheek. And I would have messed her face up too, if there hadn't been arms around my waist, and a set of hands on each arm. I fought against the restrains, but nothing worked. All I was capable of doing was talking, moving my mouth. So I did the only thing I could. I spit on her hugely-expensive designer shoes. The crowd loved it. _Ooh_-ing and _ahh_-ing at that moment. She started screaming and that brought a laugh out of everyone.

Before I could do anymore damage, I was dragged away. To the girls room. I was bombarded with questions, too many to keep track of.

"One at a time! You first." I pointed to Emma.

"Since when has Ryan been your boyfriend?!" she squealed. Reminded me of a pig, although she was far from being one.

"Since yesterday. Nick, your question."

"Not a question. Comment. WAY TO GO!!!" She would have made an incredible sports fanatic. Or concert-goer.

"Thanks. It was–" The door to the washroom opened. And in stepped head cheerleader now.

"You will pay for spitting on my new flats! And for stealing my boyfriend!"

"First off, he is **not** your boyfriend. He's my boyfriend now. And second, he never will be your boyfriend again. You know why? Because I have known him our entire lives. I know what he wants, I know what he likes. And I know for a fact, he does not want or like you. So why don't you just go crawl under a rock and stay there until you can show your sorry face around school again. I'm done with you. And so is Ryan."

**I watched his wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving you  
Just watch my wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving...**

**Misery Business by Paramore**

I'm in the business of misery,  
Let's take it from the top.  
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock.  
It's a matter of time before we all run out,  
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.

I waited eight long months,  
She finally set him free.  
I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me.  
Two weeks and we caught on fire,  
She's got it out for me,  
But I wear the biggest smile.

Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But I got him where I want him now.  
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag  
To steal it all away from you now.  
But God does it feel so good,  
Cause I got him where I want him now.  
And if you could then you know you would.  
It's gonna just feel so...  
It just feels so good.

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.  
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.  
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.  
I'm sorry honey, but I passed it up, now look this way.  
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.  
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,  
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.  
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But I got him where I want him now.  
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag  
To steal it all away from you now.  
But God does it feel so good,  
Cause I got him where I want him right now.  
And if you could then you know you would.  
It's gonna just feel so...  
It just feels so good.

I watched his wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving you  
Just watch my wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving...

Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But I got him where I want him now.

Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But I got him where I want him now.  
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag  
To steal it all away from you now.  
But God does it feel so good,  
Cause I got him where I want him now.  
And if you could then you know you would.  
It's gonna just feel so...  
It just feels so good.


	2. Let The Record Show

How could she do this to me? She knew I liked him. Or … she should have known. It's not like we don't know who the other likes. But really. Sure maybe they were best friends for, like, ever. But … I've liked Ryan ever since I met him! And she just takes him in one afternoon. After he was off the radar for two weeks!

I thought Kaylee was like a sister to me. I treated her like a sister. I told her everything. I'm sure I told her about my crush on Ryan. I know I told her about it. But she just has to take him away from me? That is low. Even worse than anything I've heard Hailey do.

All I wanted coming to this stupid place was to make friends. People I could trust. And I did. Nicole and Jack are awesome friends. And if I didn't like Ryan as much as I did I'd definitely go out with Charlie … if he'd ask me. If only he'd stop looking at my boobs or lower areas.

But the first person who actually talked to me when I first moved a few years ago was Kaylee. She introduced me to the gang and showed me around town, the good places, bad people, neutral things. She introduced me to Ryan right off the bat and they both gave me the grand tour.

I let her sleepover at my house so many times. I've lied for her, stolen for her, done things that would make my parents almost disown me. I thought of her as my best girl friend, and I felt like I belonged with her. Not in a way that said 'I love you to the ends of the world'. But like family, when everyone else is dead and she's the only one left.

If I don't have her … than who do I have? Where do I belong if it's not with Ryan and Kaylee? Nowhere. That's where. And if they don't care, then I shouldn't. It's time to make my finale.

**Turning tricks with absent guile  
Reeling in your crooked smile  
Why did I turn to you?  
I only wanted a hand to pour my heart into  
And now I'll bump my grind through another night  
Lose my mind in another fight  
Why did I turn to you?  
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true  
And now I'm paying with my  
Paying with my life  
I'm paying with my life  
My life  
My life**

All these thoughts made their way through my head as I walked to the tallest building around our neighbourhood. Ironically, it was the first place I saw Kaylee and Ryan. _Just great. Even a non-existent being is a critic. Beautiful._

Luckily, there was an ally right beside it, and even more there was a ladder that went up to the roof. I was going to jump from the ten story department store. The only one in the whole stinking place. People won't know though. Not for another few hours. I didn't want anyone talking me out of jumping. People are so nosy when you don't want or need them to be. Its like four in the morning, and people don't start shopping on Sundays until noon. I'll be good and (hopefully) rotten by the time they find me.

I was glad I was wearing my Vans instead of my Converse. Makes for easy climbing. I was freshly showered with a brand new layer of makeup on my face. I was wearing my best. My favourite black skinny jeans and my Emilie Autumn shirt. If I was going out, I wanted to go out with a bang. Literally.

**If I'm going down  
Then I'm doing down good  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down clean  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down  
The prettiest broken girl you've ever seen  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down good  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down clean  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going  
The prettiest wretched whore you've ever seen**

Secretly, I was hoping that Kaylee and Ryan would walk by earlier then everyone else later on and find me. And freak out. Maybe I should have left a note at their doorsteps. Or sent them emails. I could have just sent one to Kay, and watch her freak out over my suicide note. But that's old school. I wanted them to feel guilty. If I left a note, they would have known. They would have stopped me.

I've made my decision. I do not need them to take care of me anymore. I will do this. _Oh God! Emma what are you thinking?! It's so high up!_

I forgot I was terrified of heights. Looking down at the ground, it all looks one colour. A depressing sort of grey. I can't do this. No. I can. I will. I have to. Not for them. For me. I have to prove to myself that I can do something without someone telling me to. I stepped onto the ledge of the roof. But I know who led me to this. It was her. It was her fault. She took him from me. Kaylee took Ryan from me. Kaylee took my reason to live away. It's her fault.

**So let the record show  
That you murdered me  
In your coldest blood  
With your own two hands  
Don't think no one understands  
It happens every day **

**Let The Record Show – Emilie Autumn**

Turning tricks with absent guile  
Reeling in your crooked smile  
Why did I turn to you?  
I only wanted a hand to pour my heart into  
And now I'll bump my grind through another night  
Lose my mind in another fight  
Why did I turn to you?  
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true  
And now I'm paying with my  
Paying with my life  
I'm paying with my life  
My life  
My life

So let the record show  
That you murdered me  
In your coldest blood  
With your own two hands  
Don't think no one understands  
It happens every day

Working life like a burlesque show  
Get them off and they'll let you go  
Why did I turn to you?  
I only turned out to be just one more girl you slew  
And now I'll bump my grind through another  
Lose my mind in another  
Why, why, why, why?  
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true  
And now I'm paying with my  
Paying with my life  
I'm paying with my life  
My life  
My life

So let the record show  
That you murdered me  
In your coldest blood  
With your own two hands  
Don't think no one understands  
It happens every day  
You're jealous, oh  
You're jealous, why?  
It's a simple excuse  
For a complex crime  
So write this on your soul  
But don't waste my time

If I'm going down  
Then I'm doing down good  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down clean  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down  
The prettiest broken girl you've ever seen  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down good  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going down clean  
If I'm going down  
Then I'm going  
The prettiest wretched whore you've ever seen

But while I breathe  
I've got no evidence to prove my end  
And so you'll walk away?  
Nope, wrong again

So let the record show  
That you murdered me  
In your coldest blood  
With your own two hands  
Don't think no one understands  
It happens every day  
You're jealous, oh  
You're jealous, why?  
It's a simple excuse for a complex crime  
So write this on your soul

And let it show  
That you murdered me  
In your coldest blood  
With your own two hands  
Don't think no one understands  
It happens every day  
You're jealous, oh  
You're jealous, why?  
It's a simple excuse for a complex crime  
So write this on your soul  
But don't waste my time


End file.
